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Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Heart engagement rings are the ideal choice that will remind the future bride of love, romance, and affection whenever it catches her eye. Heart jewelry of this type is highly prized by the women who receive them. These types of rings have been used to symbolize devotion and adoration for many years.

Heart style engagement rings are manufactured in a variety of sizes and can be purchased in yellow or white gold. This type of jewelry is available in various styles and designs that will reflect the bride’s personal tastes. Premium quality engagement heart rings have prices that range from moderate to extremely expensive. They have designs that are plain and simple, or fashionably customized. Read the rest of this entry »

Expensive and attractive flowers are normally used in beautiful arrangements to create wedding table centerpieces. Captivating floral centerpieces at the center of the tables can undoubtedly offer an exquisite and dainty touch to the overall look of the reception area. However, buying flowers can be very costly, especially if you will be needing lots of centerpieces. This is why some couples are trying to find cheaper alternatives to create their centerpieces without over spending on their budget. Read the rest of this entry »

As we plan our wedding and make a list of guests to be invited for the wedding ceremony, our mind is full of many doubts such as how will I handle the arrangements and what will happen if anything goes wrong. Each person while getting married for the first time gets the same kind of feeling if he or she has never taken care of the wedding arrangements for anyone in the past. Read the rest of this entry »

If you have been doing any research on the monogram you will find that people have been using it for hundreds of years to identify themselves. If actually comes from people using their family shields. This form is still used for many things today to identify people and brands. The modern version of it is the logo, but people still use it for their weddings. Read the rest of this entry »

While many people can’t afford a professional wedding planner to create their dream wedding, they can use their creativity and many of the same sources a wedding planner uses to create a fun, cost effective, and memorable event. Many people assume wedding planners get their ideas from genius and rooms of files and contacts the regular person couldn’t possibly get access to. Read the rest of this entry »

In today’s economy everyone is looking for a bargain.  Planning a wedding can start out small and snowball into a really big boulder that is out of control. You can plan and execute it within your limits but you will need stick to your budget and stay on the lookout for cheap wedding supplies. Read the rest of this entry »

If you are trying to find a new ring to purchase for yourself or for a loved one, you may be considering the idea of an Amethyst ring. What you should consider is that this is normally a ring that is bought for someone who has a birthday in the month of February. This is the birthstone for February which may be important to someone who follows the stars. Read the rest of this entry »

There is no bigger turn-off in an individual than having bad breath, no matter how beautiful or gorgeous a person is. Thousands of individuals all over the world are affected by bad breath, regardless of age, gender, and race. Bad breath is a condition that is very embarrassing and can contribute to a very low self- confidence. Before I had my roof canal by my dentist in Livermore, I had some horrible breath.

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The short answer is “yes,” marriage counseling does work, but only when it is done well and both the husband and wife are willing to do the necessary work. While even a great marriage counselor cannot help an unwilling couple, it is also vital that a willing couple have a counselor who is capable of helping them.

This article will focus on mistakes that marriage therapists and counselors sometimes make. These will give troubled couples some ideas of what to look for and look out for in choosing their counselor.

Lack of Marriage Counseling Experience

One problem that some counselors have is that they are not specifically trained in doing couples counseling. The bulk of their training and work may come in the form of doing individual counseling. Counseling a single person is not necessarily the same as trying to help a couple work out their problems.

It is one thing to listen to an individual and help them to sort out their thoughts and feelings. It is quite another thing to assist a couple in resolving possibly serious conflicts that they have been unable to fix on their own for years. As complex as an individual may be, the complexity is greatly intensified when you’re dealing with the most intimate of relationships between two human beings.

A counselor who is helping one person may spend a lot of time merely listening and allowing the individual to come to conclusions largely for themselves as to what they should do to solve their personal problem. A marriage counselor must do much more than that.

As already mentioned, a couple with conflict problems has likely already tried to work out the issues on their own, but have failed. They had come to a counselor because they need direction, better communication skills, new insights and so forth. Having not received that from a generalist, they would go away from the counseling session disappointed to say the least.

One specific problem that sometimes happens is that either the husband or the wife gets picked on because they are unwilling to conform to the program of the counselor who stresses the individual over the couple. For example, a husband may have finally agreed to come to counseling because he is afraid his marriage is about to end. He has one purpose for coming to counseling and that is find answers to his marriage problems so he can save his marriage which is on the brink.

The counselor may have a propensity to want to delve into the man’s personality, feelings, and life’s history. Since the husband may have little interest in sharing that kind of information, the counselor and even his wife may decide that it means he is not really interested in saving the marriage. However, the truth is that he does want to save his marriage and wants to be told how.

Counselors who primarily do individual counseling may not be accustomed to handling the intense conflict between a husband and wife in the counseling office. It can be not only very uncomfortable for the counselor, but he does not know how to deal with it in a way that will help the couple. Instead, he is prone to fall back into the individual counseling style that he is most comfortable with. Therefore, he will tend to focus on just one of the persons in the counseling or may even go as far as suggesting that the husband and wife go for counseling separately.

Low Commitment to Marriage Permanence

Another problem that keeps marriage counseling from being successful is that many counselors take what they consider to be a neutral position regarding divorce. In other words, the counselor is not really committed in the first place to helping the couple do all that they can to continue the marriage.

It is rather more a matter of each person determining whether or not it is best for them to stay in the marriage. It is the old what’s in it for me mentality rather than focusing on the commitment to the marriage and to each other.

The problem with this approach is that the couple has likely already had their doubts about whether the marriage can make it or not. And, the propensity of the individual is to be selfish. In addition, the counselor will hear that in the counseling sessions. The husband will give his side of the story along with supporting evidence and the wife will do the same for her side.

If the counselor places the emphasis on the individual then really there is little hope for helping the marriage. While it is inevitable that some marriages will dissolve, especially in cases where there is abuse of some sort, a good counselor is going to focus on the marriage and strive to help the couple work through their issues successfully.

Labeling Persons as Troubled

Yet another damaging approach that accounts for some marriage counseling failures is to begin to label the husband and or wife with some psychological term. Doing so suggests that the person is broken and may be difficult to fix. It can cause that individual or their partner to feel like it is either an impossible situation, or just too much work.

The counselor may in fact suggest that the marriage relationship is not worth trying to repair. They may tell the couple that it was a mistake for them to get married in the first place and that they are so totally incompatible that it would be extremely difficult for them to have a happy marriage.

In speaking individually to a husband or a wife, they may pity them for what they are having to endure in the marriage and in essence give that person more reason to believe their marriage is unsalvageable. Of course, there are reasons why one person might have to leave another including abuse, but we are speaking here of a more general unhappiness that a spouse may currently be experiencing in the marriage. An ineffective marriage counselor picks up on and supports that unhappiness.

What may really be going on here is that the counselor feels unqualified and helpless to assist the couple. Rather than admitting that to himself and the couple, he may decide he is doing the right thing by even directly suggesting to the couple that they end the marriage.

What Should a Couple Do?

Does marriage counseling work? Not always. If a couple seeking marriage help is not aware of some of the pitfalls discussed above, they may wind up with a counselor who is unable to help them.

Husbands and wives seeking help for their marriages should learn to ask lots of questions of potential counselors. The couple should ask questions that relate to the points made in this article. They can ask about the counselors training and experience, as well as specifically how much they have of each of these in the area of marital therapy. They should ask questions to get insight into the counselor’s views of marriage and divorce along with their success rate in helping couples work out their problems.

Generally speaking, licensed Christian marriage counselors will take a high view of marriage and take the approach of supporting the best that they can the couple who wishes to save their marriage.

Another advantage of Christian counseling is that many of the larger churches have professional marriage counseling resources available to the community at reasonable costs. Often the counseling fees of therapists are prohibitive for many people and a church counseling center may offer the services of a professional therapist based on the couple’s income.

For couples who do not access to such services or are limited in some way from attaining face to face counseling help, there are also now online marriage counseling services that may be of value. Some of the same steps suggested above for finding quality help is encouraged.

There are certain key ingredients to an effective plan to help Christian couples solve any marital problem. In this article, we will briefly introduce each of these ingredients. Beyond that, a couple may find it beneficial to spend time with a Christian marriage therapist.

First of all, the husband and wife need to respect the viewpoint of the other. Two people will not see everything just alike and that is okay. Couples need to be able to disagree with each other without being disagreeable. It is not a matter of complete agreement on all things but rather acceptance of the other person. Without such implicit acceptance, the couple can become involved in manipulations of each other and a battle for power in the relationship. This in turn creates feelings of frustration and even anger.

Number two, it is extremely helpful if a couple can quickly get to the real problem. This is an area where a Christian marriage counselor can be helpful – and it sometimes requires a number of sessions with a counselor before the real problem is identified. If the husband and / or wife focuses instead on related symptoms of the problem, then any resolution to the conflict will be delayed.

Three, Christian couples need to learn how to effectively communicate to each other what they are feeling. If done wrongly that expression of feelings can do more harm than good. It is very easy when a person is hurt to lash out and say angry hurtful things to their mate. This will cause their mate to react to the criticisms, accusations, or general angry comments in like manner.

The old advice is “it not what you say but how you say it” is good advice for how Christian husbands and wives should express their emotions to each other. Too often, couples began their statements to each other using the word “you.” And it may be even pointing a finger at the other person in an accusatory way.

It is better to begin a statement with the word “I” and simply express how one is feeling. In doing so, a person is still able to offer a complaint about something, but instead of immediately going into an attack against their partner, they tell them how that makes them feel. Said that way, the other person is less likely to react in a negative fashion.

Fourth, a Christian marriage in conflict needs to evaluate a number of possible solutions to the problem. Marriage counselors will sometimes suggest that the couple actually write down possible solutions on a piece of paper and then discuss each of them. Simply doing that can provide the couple with a level of confidence that there are ways to deal with the problem. This directs the minds of the couple toward solutions rather than continuing to rehash the problem.

Fifth, sufficient time must be given to dealing with the relationship problem. And not only enough time but also the work should be done at the best time. Trying to work out a problem at the end of a long work day for both the husband and wife is usually not the best time. When people are tired it is a lot easier to get into an argument. It is better to find a time when both are reasonably rested and have enough time to focus adequately on the conflict. If either the husband or the wife becomes overly emotional or has intense feelings of anger, it is best to halt the discussion and come back to it at a later time when things have calmed down.

You have heard the expression “I was so angry I could not think straight.” And that is literally true. When a person reaches a certain level of anger it is impossible for them to think straight. When couples are that angry, they will say and do things that they would not ordinarily do.

Lastly, couples need to be patient with themselves and each other. If there were a simple solution to every problem then there would be no problems. The truth is that relationships are complex and it takes time and commitment to continue to learn and grow in the relationship.

A mature couple will understand that and that will reduce their impatience with each other. The wise couple takes the viewpoint that while they have differences they are on the same side and are committed to making their marriage not only work but be a happy one.

If a married couple continues to be stuck in a relationship problem no matter what they do, it is advisable that they seek out a Christian counselor who specializes in marital problems.

If a couple is unable to find a local marriage counselor that is affordable, then there are some other options to consider. One is that there are a number of online Christian counselors who can provide e-mail and or phone assistance. Because the counselor does not have the overhead expenses of an office they are able to offer more affordable Christian counseling services.

If you prefer and believe it would be beneficial to have face-to-face marriage counseling, then don’t give up on finding someone who could help nearby who is in your price range. Many larger churches now have Christian counseling centers staffed with licensed marriage therapists. The fees for their counseling services are often based on a scale related to one’s income. Do some searching online or in your local Yellow Pages to see if there are some of these services in your local area.